Big Blue Diving - Koh Tao - Thailand - Weird Dolphin Story of the Day
Friday, 24 August 2018 11:11

Weird Dolphin Story of the Day Featured

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Ahhh, lovely dolphins. Our best-friend from the sea with their fake smiles plastered all over their stinking slippery faces, they're known throughout the world for saving the occasional human from sharks, making annoying squeaking sounds, being forced to swim with dickheads, being a wee bit forward with the ladies and unfortunately serving as target practice for Japanese scientists (it’s for research, not burgers). They’re also widely regarded as being one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet yet despite this superior intelligence (they can’t be that clever if a dog beat them into space) they are a little partial to eating things that they shouldn’t, and that’s exactly where this superb and completely true story starts.

Picture this: it is the 13th December 2006, and two dolphins are miserably captive in an aquarium in Fushun, north-east China.  Faced with a typical Chinese life of playing Mah-Jong, chain-smoking and grinding down rhino horns for sexy boner medicines, they decided to do precisely what any intelligent creature would do and eat a shit-load of plastic from the edge of the pool they were housed in, either in some sort of suicidal death-pact or in a pathetic last-ditch attempt to meet a celebrity, as actually occurred...


Specialists tried all sorts of methods to remove the plastic – begging, pleading, 24/7 nagging (worked for my ex-wife, the cow) and the all-time favourite, pretending they didn’t want the plastic out in the first place. When these attempts inexplicably failed they resorted to trying to use surgical tools, which despite sounding like a bloody good idea simply caused the dolphins’ stomachs to contract in response to the steel instruments, making them very sick and on the brink of death, by all accounts.

Mr Chen Lujun, manager of the aquarium, told The Associated Press that the shape of the dolphins' stomachs made it difficult to push an instrument very far in without hurting the animals. People with shorter arms could not reach the plastic, he said, and then came the idea to end all ideas.

"When we failed to get the objects out we sought the help of Bao Xishun from Inner Mongolia” recalled Mr Chen.

 A renowned dolphin expert is he? World-famous Plastic Removal Technician? Tiny little crane operator? Not quite.

Bao Xishun, as we all know, was a herdsman by day, and by night the Guinness Book of Records’ ‘World’s Tallest Man’, measuring a mighty 2.36m, or approximately 300 foot for you Americans. A couple of phone calls later, and Bao left his home in Mongolia, took what’s likely to have been just two or three steps to get to the aquarium and was coerced into trying use his stupid massive arms to try and help the greedy mammals.

Believe it or not, the 55-year-old herdsmen was able to use his bare arm (measuring over a metre long, or 1000 feet) to reach carefully into the dolphins' mouths and pull out the dangerous plastic shards with his hands, as handlers held their jaws open with towels so the ungrateful dolphins didn’t porpoisely try to bite him.

"The two dolphins are in very good condition now” reported Mr Chen, but he bloody would say that though. The whereabouts of Bao's missing watch is another story...

A happy ending for all, and no doubt panties all around China were dropped for our gargantuan hero Bao Xishun. He was unfortunately surpassed as the world’s tallest man in 2009 by a Turkish fella, and now spends his days scratching giraffes and cleaning the cobwebs off the bloody moon, presumably.

Read 814 times Last modified on Saturday, 25 August 2018 14:49